I'm beginning to find myself again.
Not that I was really lost, but only that I wasn't always letting my whole self out.
Yet in leaving, I've found tremendous support. Part of my trouble coming back to school last fall was that there were very few to whom I could deeply relate. I'm finding that again - that support network. Those deep relationships, where people really care about what I'm about and where I'm going. The traveling bit doesn't only pertain to my immediate relocation. I've begun to immerse myself in a network of individuals who have a genuine interest in my success in both school and my eventual and inevitable "long run." Everyone wants to know about the fluency of my spanish, my locations, the people there and about their dance.
I just feel so loved.
In my mind, my general leaving for five months was never a big deal - but there's so much genuine attention when people ask about my trip. It sometimes makes my heart want to burst open and give it all back to those who are asking. I'm putting a huge chunk of my life into an entirely different direction, and my friends, family and mentors alike truly have an interest my passion for the place that I'm going.
Two of my best friends, Lauren Baker (my roommate and fellow Dance Major) and Chris Vatsaas (who lived on the sixth floor of my dorm last year and enjoys the occasional trip to the caves for swing dancing), threw me a going away party entirely in my own style last Saturday night. They deemed it: "Are You Fairly Buzzed?" The idea was that everyone was going to drink coffee all night instead of getting tipsy on booze. It was complete with a red paper chain, jazz music, and all my friends wearing red and black - my supposed signature colors. I'm a giant nerd and made cards containing the information for my trip, so they could be tacked by magnets to refigerators. My excuse was that it was easier than writing it all down each time I was asked, but subliminally it seems I just didn't want to be forgotten. However, It wasn't so much the event that made the night wonderful, but rather it was the people who came. I was surrounded by those people mentioned above - the ones who have genuine interest in my passion. There was an obvious kind of warmth in the room, and it wasn't just from the number of bodies within it. It was so nice for many of my friends to finally meet the people they hear me boast about in conversation. I also knew many were off performing in a midnight cabaret that night, and it was wonderful to get phone calls and to know we'd be catching up over coffee this week.
It's with occasions like these that I am utterly convinced of the beauty and goodness in the world. It's amazing and I am just so grateful. Grateful for both the beautiful people in my life and for Guatemalan chickens in the streets.
As for the most current on-goings of my life, they are consisting mostly of giant papers and one final on Wednesday that will inevitably, (for the purposes of this being a family shared journal) whoop my behind. I move on Thursday, which I'm sure will be an event of semi-mixed emotion. As my father has suddenly quit his annual writing of the Christmas letter, my mother sent me a pleading email last week and I took his job and wrote the letter on Tuesday. Many of you should expect that in the mail soon. My Christmas shopping is done, and I have managed to string a set of 100 mini lights to the slightly-browning plant in my room. My last day of work was yesterday, and the Kudak family Christmas tomorrow is a great excuse to take a break from my current loathing of early British Literature.
I think, perhaps, that I either need to start posting more frequently, or practice my "short" windedness. I'm always so lengthy and I know very few of you have more than a few moments in the day. Speaking of time, I wrote a fair amount on the constraints of that subject the other day. Nevertheless, that is another topic for another day. I hope all of you are finding some quiet in your hectic lives to enjoy our, wait .... green grass and rain in December? While I would love a little snow as well, continue to enjoy your days. Remember the sun shines just for you and the world is filled with beautiful energy.
Much love and peace to you all,
Kelsey
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